


• Movement •

by ShesGoneRogue



Series: Visions of Crema [12]
Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, First Time, M/M, Oral, Rimming, Temptation, lethal levels of schmoop and internal angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2020-04-05 05:53:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19042450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShesGoneRogue/pseuds/ShesGoneRogue
Summary: Just weeks into filming, the boys find themselves standing at a threshold neither of them can resist crossing any longer.





	1. A Call to Motion

**Author's Note:**

> *cracks knuckles*  
> Okay, so I think I may have just redefined the term 'self-indulgent' with this one.  
> I'm not even a little bit kidding.  
> You want conflicted Armie, beating himself up for wanting more than he has a right to? Check.  
> You want mercurial Timmy going from soft boy innocent to teasing coquette so fast you get whiplash? Check.  
> You want absurdly descriptive smut and schmoop so sweet it rots your goddamn teeth? Check and Check.  
> *facepalm/embarrassed groaning*  
> I think I may have to go into hiding after this one...
> 
> For those of you who are curious, it started as one thing, and ended up as quite another- all thanks to that Irish Devil Hozier and his frighteningly astute abilities to make me Feel Things with his sexy-menacing-emo lyrics. (just drag me to hell already.)
> 
> My original idea disintegrated to ash halfway through with these lines from his bewitching song from which I stole the title,
> 
> 🎵When you move  
> I can recall somethin' that's gone from me  
> When you move  
> Honey, I'm put in awe of somethin' so flawed and free...🎵
> 
> Forgive me, Andrew.
> 
> Many liberties were taken. It is total fiction after all.  
> Un-beta'd.
> 
> Enter at your own risk and mind you don't trip over the pieces of my dignity I lost along the way.

His mouth is so sweet...soft... _addictive_. He's warm and pliant in my arms, incredibly receptive - I'm completely lost in it, so when he pulls away and nudges the top of his head into my collar bone it's like waking from a deep sleep. It takes me a moment to get my bearings again.

"Hey...you okay?" I can feel him trembling.

He nods, keeping his head against me. "I'm so nervous."

I pull back just a little to look down at him, wait for him to look up.

His eyes are wide and skittish, high color on his cheeks. He licks his lips and and furrows his brow just the tiniest bit. "I'm sorry."

I reach to cradle his cheek and he nuzzles into it, his satiny eyelids closing gently - so precious. "We don't have to do this, Tim."

His eyes blink open quickly, full of intense earnestness. "But I want to. I really do. I can't stop thinking about it."

I smile down at him and run my thumb across the plush pillow of his lower lip, so pink and wet from our kisses....I want to get back to _that_ , but this needs to be addressed. "Tell me why you're nervous."

The color on his cheeks flares brighter. I can feel the heat against my palm.

"Because you're fucking _huge_ , Armie, and I know it's going to hurt. I can barely take you in my mouth...how am I going to...?" he makes a little wince and shakes his head, looks down and away.

"Tim, I promise you it's not nearly as bad as you think. The first time is always a little uncomfortable, but when it's done right, slowly and with care, the pleasure quickly overtakes the pain."

He gives a little nod, but still looks dubious. God, what did I ever do to deserve such complete trust and adoration from this angel. My heart clenches a little and I find myself once again questioning my morals for giving in to this. I should leave him be, or at the very least, leave things the way they have been for weeks now. I can live on the memories of kisses and heated touches, the taste of him in my mouth and his soft moans echoing in my heart for the rest of my life and never feel cheated for wanting more...but if I take him now—

My throat constricts.

He stares up at me and chews on his lip.

I could ruin him...it would most likely ruin _me_.

"Did you love him?" he asks softly, ever insightful.

I smile a little and brush an errant curl off his forehead, quietly amazed once again at his ability to read between the lines. "No, but I cared for him a great deal, and I trusted him to take care of me. He was very tender and considerate."

"Did he love you?"

I pull in a slow, deep breath and hold it for a second as I think about Tom and the development of our short lived romantic relationship. "I think he loved the _idea_ of me...an infatuation of sorts, but I was too unsophisticated to hold his attention for very long. He was good to me while it lasted, but..." I shrug. "...we're still friends and see each other from time to time in our social circle. He's happily married now."

He nods again and absently fingers the dip between my collar bones, his eyes a little troubled. "And so are you."

Ouch. "I am." I agree quietly. There's no arguing that fact.

His eyes come up slowly. "Do you love me?"

God, how do I answer that? To say yes not only seems inadequate, but could also come across as me using that to get what I want, and that couldn't be further from the truth. My love for him is, in point of fact, the core of my reasoning for not wanting to surrender to this - to take something that doesn't belong to me. There's no denying that the consequences will be life altering, but I _do_ want it. _So_ _very_ _much_.

I loathe myself for being so selfish.

"Yes, I love you, Tim. Very much..." My eyes are stinging. This is the first time I've admitted it out loud, though I've known it in my heart for longer than seems possible. Was it the first time he laughed nervously, betraying his self consciousness when we were alone together? The first time he smiled secretly at me in response to an inside joke? Or was in that moment barely a week into getting to know each other that he first took my hand, completely unbidden, when there was no reason at all for such a familiar touch? I felt like I'd known him all my life.My affection for him was so all encompassing, there was no way to pinpoint when it began. More frightening than admitting that I love him is the truth that I am _in_ _love_ with him. But he's not asking that, and to confess such a thing after only a matter of weeks would be beyond cruel. This kid has his entire life ahead of him. I can't let him walk away from this with that burden.

One corner of his mouth twitches up in a little half smile at my answer. I've made him happy. It undoes me.

He steps closer, his naked belly pressed against me, his soft, vulnerable cock brushing my thigh. "I want it to be you. Here. Now. In this place out of time."

It galvanizes me. This isn't the first time I've heard such poetic words from him. He does it to me all the time- surprises me with these little glimpses of a deeper soul than his giggly, youthful form should embody. He's such an enigma.

I swallow a lump in my throat and blink back another wave ofstinging that threatens to blur my vision.

"I love you...you love me." he continues, "We can have this...before we have to go back." He's looking up at me, pleading for permission with his bedroom eyes.

I'm so weak. I nod. The moment seems almost reverent, and I'm hesitant to dishonor it by giving voice to my selfish assent. "We can have this." I finally say barely above a whisper. _You_ _can_ _have_ _me_. _All_ _of_ _me_ \- _for_ _as_ _long_ _as_ _you_ _want_ _me_. _I'm_ _already_ _yours_....I bend to kiss him instead of letting my ravaged heart speak it's piece.

He opens up to me, soft and wet, all demanding sweetness and desire. In the weeks that we've been indulging in these off screen kisses that inevitably led to further explorations, he's developed a technique that unwinds me with astonishing efficiency. Gone is the wide open mouth, unsure of where to land, the darting tongue that seemed to be everywhere at once. He no longer misses the mark in his inexperienced enthusiasm, but takes my mouth like he owns it. I have taught him well. So many nights spent teasing, speaking candidly, guiding his movements and practicing until we were both breathless will serve his future lovers lavishly...but for now, he is mine.

I'm immediately at sea. Awash in his taste, the texture of his mouth and the heat of his breath. It's only when I feel his hardening cock nudging at me insistently that I'm reminded that I'm supposed to be leading him again in this new territory.

I take his waist and slowly guide him back with me towards the bed.

He stops kissing me and looks up shyly. "I don't know what to do. Should I lay down? Or- or do you want me on my hands and knees?" he stammers.

"Oh, baby...not yet." I'm not speaking just to his impatience, but to the repulsive idea that he would imagine his first time to be so crass and abrupt that I would demand he just assume the necessary position and take whatever I give him.

I drop to my knees and take him in my mouth, soothing his nerves and awakening his arousal to it's full potential for what lies ahead. We have all the time in the world, and I don't want to rush a moment of the memories I intend to leave him with.

His hands fall to my head, a soft gasp falling from his parted lipsas I suck him languidly. He's so responsive, pushing into me, hungry for that rush he knows I can bring him within moments when I apply all my skill and attention to getting him off...but that would be counter-productive tonight. I don't want him sated and over sensitive. I need him on edge, and that's exactly where I take him now- right to the edge.

I pull off and play with the velvety skin of his balls with my tongue, letting my mouth flood with saliva that I purposely drench his twitching cock with in one final sloppy kiss before rising to my feet again to find him dazed and swaying slightly on shaky legs.

He blinks at me, smiling his dopey sex-fog smile. Perfect.

I take his hands and sit on the bed, intentionally making myself smaller, less intimidating, by reducing my height so that he has to look down at me.

"There is no part of this that will be entirely up to me. If you want to stop at any point..."

He nods and smiles.

I back up against the headboard, resolutely ignoring the acute ache in my cock that sucking him to the edge of oblivion had given me. "Come here...put your knees on either side of my hips and kneel over me."

He crawls up obediently and grins down at the sight when his dripping cock leaves a wet trail on my chest as he adjusts for stability. "Why did you leave me so wet?"

"You'll see..." I kiss his chest and smile up at him as I furtively recover the bottle of lube I stashed between the pillows. "Are you comfortable?"

He grips the headboard on either side of me and plants his knees a little more firmly before nodding.

"Good." I flip the bottle open and pour a more than generous pool into the palm of my left hand. He moans as I add it to the slick of my spit and stroke him gently. "Give me your hand." He does so and I pour more into his before dousing my own fingers again. It drips everywhere, and we both laugh a little. Tonight is going to be especially messy, but I couldn't care less. His comfort is paramount.

I bring his hand to his dick and start moving it. "Play with yourself." I command softly, looking up into his glassy eyes.

He blushes and bites his lip, but takes over without protest as I move my hand away and slide it down between his legs.

I cradle his balls and massage them gently as he strokes himself, feeling them tighten and draw up even closer to his body before I slip between his cheeks, moving one finger in a long, slow arc from the soft skin of his perinium to his tight little pucker. His skin is so fucking hot. My cock twitches in anticipation.

His breath shudders as I draw my finger over him again and again, increasing the pressure until I'm circling and not moving away from his hole anymore. "That feels so good..." he whispers, and I notice his hand moving faster.

"If you come, we'll have to wait...you'll be too sensitive."

He gives a little nod as my words sink in. His lips make a wet little smacking sound as he opens them to pant with brows pinched together, and then close again as he swallows hard with effort of slowing his strokes.

His face begins to relax again by degrees.

I smile watching him, knowing what it takes for him to hold back. He's so sensual in everything he does, completely immersing himself in every tactile experience from a simple hug to taking his pleasure.

He nods again with more focus, "Okay..." takes a deep breath through his nose and holds it for a second. "Okay, I'm good...sorry."

"Don't apologize. I love watching you enjoy yourself...especially when you get carried away."

The tip of his tongue emerges from the corner of a crooked little grin.

My pulse quickens at the sight.

 _God_....this boy. He does _so_ _love_ to be praised.

I smile up at him as I resume the tiny circles with more pressure and he spreads his knees a little wider, inviting me in. My fingertip parts the muscle and I feel him tense.

He looks down at me and gives an almost imperceptible nod.

I breach him, sinking in just to the first knuckle and he exhales a shaky breath. "Okay?"

He huffs quick little breaths through his nose and nods vigorously as I push in a little more, but I can see that his hand has stalled.

"Don't stop, baby. It will feel so much better if you're completely aroused when I move deeper..."

He starts stroking again and I pull out halfway before slowly pushing back in with steady pressure. I repeat the motion, sinking in a little further each time, matching the pace of his strokes. I can feel him begin to loosen up and enjoy it...it's breathtaking.

His mouth opens in quiet pants, tongue darting out to wet his lips as he gets into it. He moans and tries to sink down, but I keep my other hand firmly on his hip to stop him. "You like that, do you?"

"...yeah." he groans in a breathy whisper as his eyes drift closed.

I give him more, pushing all the in to my third knuckle before he clenches.

"Oh God..."

"That's it. That's one." I murmur quietly, keeping my finger buried still and snug in the quick pulses of his tight heat.

He's practically vibrating. " _Move_...please." he shudders out, hips bucking forward slightly.

"Shhh..." I remain still for a few seconds more, still holding him immobile with my other hand, then pull back slightly and curl my finger inside him.

His eyes fly open and he folds forward, a wheezy ' _fuck_ ' expelled from his lips explosively as his belly spasms with the pleasure suddenly jolting through him.

My jaw drops, lips parted in a knowing smile as I pant with him and tease his prostate with fleeting touches.

He's trembling, looking down at his hand around his twitching cock as pre-come oozes over his fingers.

He looks back up at me with eyes wide in wonder, mouth open in a soft, gasping 'o'.

Gorgeous.

"I can make you come like this, right now, if you want to stop..." I tempt him, knowing that I wouldn't get to have him tonight, but the pleasure of giving him his first prostate orgasm like this would be totally worth it. Hell, the look on his face right now makes it all worth it.

He shakes his head, curls starting to stick in the sheen of sweat forming at his temples.

I release the pressure and push deeper again before pulling out almost completely.

He let's out a ragged moan and circles his hips. It's filthy. Utterly debauched. "I want your cock."

I nearly choke on my next breath, too stunned to respond.

He looks down at me with heavy lidded, dark eyes. "More."

Whatever crazy notion I may have initially had about maintaining control of this situation and guiding him is instantly vanquished in the heat of that single word.

I nod dumbly and struggle to close my gaping mouth as I bring another finger up to join the one already warmed by his heat.

The drag is more intense this time and I can feel his body resisting, but his resolve to fight through it is etched clearly in every feature of his face, so I press on.

 _He_ _wants_ _this_. _He_ _wants_ _this_.

It's a mantra in my head as I watch him shake and fight the urge to pull off of my fingers.

"You're doing so good, baby...so good."

He nods and bites down on his lip as his brows meet in the center.

"Do you want me to stop?"

An emphatic shake of his head.

I finally make it in deep enough to brush his prostate again and the change in his expression is almost miraculous in its instancy.

His mouth falls open in a wide, blissful smile and he starts riding my fingers with slow, determined movements, his spine curling and hips angling forward greedily to get my thick fingers exactly where he wants them.

For the first time tonight, I'm tempted to touch myself. I squeeze his delicate hip bone harder, trying not to think about the instant gratification of jerking myself off while he takes what he needs from my fingers deep inside him.

He moans my name as he works himself with long, deliberate strokes. It's a vision of sin in its purest form.

My cock pulses and leaks against my belly, desperate for attention...I'm losing the battle.

I open my mouth to tell him to keep going, to keep taking what he needs, but he steals my breath by jerking his other hand from the headboard to tug sharply at my hair, forcing my head back at an awkward angle. " _Please_ – fuck me...fuck me, Armie."

His eyes are desperate, demanding– his belly tenses and ripples as he stares down at me and squeezes his cock so hard the crown has turned an angry shade of purple.

Despite his desperate words, I know he's not ready yet. I need to rein him in, soothe him....buy more time. "Kiss me."

He bends down, his thighs shaking as he brings his mouth to mine. His lips are cold and wet with the breath rushing over them in rapid pants, but they soon warm against the pressure of mine. I take my time, tempting him with barely parted lips and tantalizing flashes of tongue, provoking him to focus on my mouth. He starts to relax a little, his breathing evening out as we tease each other with playful licks and nipping teeth.

After several seconds, he gives me a little frustrated moan and I open wider to let him suck at my tongue, simultaneously spreading my fingers inside him and swallowing his cry as I stretch him without warning. He sucks harder, his fingers clawing at my scalp until I relax my fingers again.

I feel the tension drain from him as he pulls back just enough to take a full breath and look me in the eye.

"Okay?"

He nods with quiet whimper of assent, keeping our open mouths close together as he accepts this next step.

I start working him as gently as I can and silently pray that he isn't losing his erection because of the necessary discomfort.

"Almost, baby...almost...just a little more..." I whisper into his mouth.

He winces and bears down on my hand, trying hard to fight through the stinging stretch. "I need- I think I need more lube."

"Okay. Okay...lay down for me." I gently remove my fingers and help him dismount and settle on his back.

As I'd feared, his erection has flagged a little, but he quickly slides both hands down and resumes playing with himself, fondling his balls and stroking languidly as he arches his back and spreads his legs wide.

I can't help but pause and watch him as I get to my knees and position myself between his thighs. He's wanton, utterly shameless in his need to have this– the picture of corrupted innocence as he pushes up into his own grip with his mouth hanging open around soft, panting grunts.

I run my hands up the backs of his slender thighs, marveling at the smoothness, the unmarred creamy perfection of his skin as his muscles flex and ripple beneath it."My god, you're beautiful..." I didn't mean to say it out loud.

He grins up at me and squeezes himself, milking the head of his now straining erection with a twist of his wrist. "You're one to talk." he murmurs, his eyes raking intently from my mouth down to the obscene jut of my cock. "Why haven't you touched yourself? You're so hard."

I stifle a chuckle that bubbles up at the thoughts I was having only seconds ago about taking myself in hand and can feel the heat rising up my neck. Why am I suddenly embarrassed like I've been caught out? He couldn't know.

He tilts his head and giggles. "You're blushing, and yet _I'm_ the one spread out with my ass dripping lube."

I can't help laughing then, keeping my eyes on the task at hand as I struggle to open the finicky little bottle with slick fingers.

"Armie?"

I finally get it open and meet his gaze as I pour more into my hand.

"Touch yourself?" It sounds like a request but feels like a command.

"Is that what you want?" I ask, my tongue feeling thick and heavy.

He nods and tilts his head further to the side to look down at himself as he pulls his knees higher and fully exposes everything for me.

I rise up from sitting on my heels and watch his eyes as I slowly wrap my fist around myself and give a long stroke before letting my gaze drop to the display he's putting on for me.

His crevice is shiny and wet, balls drawn up tight beneath the root of his cock to reveal the lush invitation of his loosened, rosy hole.

" _Fuck_...Tim."

"Do you like watching me, Armie?" he asks coyly, feigning innocence with a playful smile.

He _damn_ _well_ _knows_ the answer to that after these last several weeks of sneaking around. Such games we've played already, but it still takes me a second to gather enough wits to play my part again. "You're killing me."

He reaches down and delicately circles his rim with his two middle fingertips. "I love how you're looking at me right now."

I inch closer and drizzle more lube on him, watching raptly as his fingers drag through the stream and press in gently, the sight making me instinctively tighten my grip, tugging faster and harder as I click the bottle shut and toss it aside.

He flexes up, reaching for my now empty hand to bring it to him as I spread my knees and sink a little lower to reach him.

I have to throttle myself as I watch him push my fingers inside for fear that I'll come all over him and end this before I can give him what he needs.

"Fuck, you look _wrecked_." he sounds almost amused and I feel stripped bare.

I drag my eyes up to look at his face. "I am." I barely recognize my own voice. My hand has slid down to the base of my cock in stranglehold, and there it will stay because I'm too far gone to risk another stroke while I finish preparing him to take it. I push my fingers deeper inside him and spread them, marveling at the gap between them as he opens up for me.

He abandons his cock and grabs fistfuls of the sheets, arching up as I start fucking into him slowly, alternately twisting my wrist to massage his sweet spot and stretching my fingers apart as I keep a steady pace.

I can feel him softening even more from the inside out and am encouraged by the stiff twinges of his rock hard cock as it strains up from his belly every time a pass his prostate.

"I don't want to wait anymore. Please?" he moans deep in his throat, and God help me, I don't either.

I pull my fingers out and bend over him, bracing one hand by his shoulder to lean down and kiss him deeply as my other sneaks beneath the pillow to retrieve the condom. I push back up to tear it open with my teeth, having no patience for fumbling with slippery fingers, and he giggles.

I'm damned by it. Such a sweet sound. Please God, don't let him regret this.

"You don't have to you know..." He arches one brow at my struggling hands as I fight to get the damn thing unrolled over myself.

"You'll thank me for it later."

He tilts his head in question.

"Less friction." I clarify.

"I've liked the friction so far..." he smirks.

I can't believe _he's_ teasing _me_ right now. Who's the virgin here?

I finally get the condom to stay anchored and fold down over him, smiling despite myself. Okay fine, I can admit this..."Well, maybe I need it then." I murmur against his neck, nuzzling up beneath his ear.

He wraps his arms around me and nudges his hips up. "You telling me you won't last without it?"

I nip at him and chuckle against his soft skin. So astute, my little tease. "That's _exactly_ what I'm telling you." I move around to the front to smile down at him.

He's all bright eyes and smiles.

"Are you ready?"

A touch of something more serious flashes across his features, but he nods without hesitation. "Just go slowly, okay?"

The vulnerability in his voice is like a knife in my heart. I'm suddenly reminded how very young he is and all of my senses are screaming, overwhelmed with how tiny he feels beneath me.

Can I do this? Can I allow him to trust me enough to let me inside him? Will I be able to maintain control on my baser impulses once I feel him close around me and not...not _damage_ him?

He doesn't give me another second to spin out, but reaches down to take me in his hand as he plants his heels beneath my ass cheeks.

" _I_ _want_ _this_." His tone leaves no room for compromise.

I shiver as I feel the heat of his entrance at the tip of my cock and lower myself to kiss him as he pulls his hand away, then nudge forward, feeling him tense as I stretch the first ring of muscle. "Okay?" I breathe into his mouth.

He nods, eyes shut a little tighter than I would like.

"Tim..." I still my hips. "Look at me."

I start to think he's not going to respond, but then he blinks up at me and takes a breath as I pull my mouth away from his.

His eyes are luminous, wet and clear like sunlight shining through the trees.

I pull back and press forward the tiniest bit, encountering more resistance.

"Please, don't stop kissing me." he exhales in a rush as I reach a little deeper.

I touch his throat with gentle fingers and angle myself to bear my weight on one arm as I guide his chin up to meet my mouth again.

He responds with a soft moan, his hand sliding up my arm to grip my bicep as I dip my tongue in and pull back again.

I sink deeper this time. The pressure is intense. It's so tight it almost hurts, and I feel the doubts about what I'm doing mounting again. If it's this intense for me, I know it's just that much worse for him. _He's_ _too_ _tiny_. _I'm_ too _much_ for _him_. My eyes stray from the creases between his brows to the gold Magnum wrapper hastily discarded on the pillow by his head.

 _Please_ _God_ , _don't_ _let_ _me_ _hurt_ _him_ —

He hisses suddenly, tearing his mouth away from mine and arching his neck. "St-stop. Stop."

I can feel his nails biting into my skin and immediately pull back with my heart racing. I start to move off of him to give him space, convinced that this wasn't meant to happen and already bracing for the inevitable avalanche of self loathing that would come in the aftermath of being stupid ( _selfish_ ) enough to even try, but he clings to me like a limpet and shakes his head.

I freeze in an almost comical mockery of a push up and look down at him, an apology already on my tongue, but he cuts me off before I can speak.

"I don't want to stop, just - can we try something else? I think...I think maybe if I'm on top? That was working for me..."

I study him for a second, trying to determine if he's just doing this for me if he actually still wants to continue, but for once he's impossible to read. "Tim, I don't think—" I look away and mumble, resolved to put an end to this - I _knew_ better. I gently try to loosen his grip.

He stops me with more strength than I thought he had, legs tightening around me and both sticky hands grabbing my face to turn me back to him. "Armie." He waits for me to meet his gaze. "Let me _try_."

I meet the challenge in his eyes and nod reluctantly.

He smiles and releases me.

I lift away and roll over onto my back, thinking that this is an exercise in futility anyway since I started softening immediately at his pained pleas for me to stop.

My dick flops listlessly against my belly as he shifts over me, and I can see that his is at less than half mast as well.

"Tim...this is— it's okay. There are other things we can do."

He shakes his head and straddles my thighs. "We've done other _things_...I want _this_." He lifts my traitorous cock delicately with one hand and starts to roll the condom off with the other. "Can I?" He looks up and asks belatedly, the condom already half off.

I sigh and nod, seeing no benefit to resistance.

He gently rolls it off and tosses it aside then makes a 'gimme' motion with his fingers towards the lube.

I clench my jaw to keep from cussing and give it to him, feeling more than a little petulant. I've never been known for my patience, especially when I've failed at something, and I failed spectacularly tonight, but he rufuses to give up.

He raises a brow at me, seeming to read my mind as he fills his hand with lube. "Will you just _relax_?"

I find his tone absurdly funny for the current situation and laugh helplessly as I raise both hands up beside my shoulders in a show of mock surrender. "Okay, boss."

He grins. "You like me bossy."

I can't help but smile back because I do.

He scooches up and brings his hand down to my naked, softening flesh, biting his lip seductively. "I never wanted the damn condom." He inches himself up a little more and brings his cock into play, pushing it against mine. " _Mmm_...see? Isn't this better?"

I have to agree as I reach down to join in the fun, my larger hand engulfing his and closing the gap around us.

We're both hard and getting into it in less than a minute. It feels amazing, and watching him take charge like this has always been a pleasure in and of itself. "We could just get off like this." I put on my most seductive purr, but he's not buying it.

He shakes his head and pulls out of our grip. "This was a means to an end. I intend to have your cock inside me, Armie. Deal with it." His eyes widen in mild shock, like he can't believe he just said that out loud, and he breaks out in a wide grin.

I start laughing again. He's so fucking adorable - even when he's trying to be assertive. "Surprised yourself there, didn't you?"

He giggles and blushes so I reach up to dig my fingers into his sides, wanting to keep the lightness of the moment.

He snorts and squirms, trying to get away from me- which he just barely manages because we're both covered in a ridiculous amount of lube at this point.

I give up and and flop back and he turns serious again. "I do mean it though...I still want to try. Will you let me?"

What can I say to that? This beautiful man, straddling my body with a straining hard on and a look of complete lust and adoration in his eyes, is desperate to take me inside him.

"Yes, but please, don't hurt yourself."

He shakes his head. "I won't."

And before I can make him swear a promise, he's shifted above me and pulled my hand to him. I stroke him in tense silence and watch him reach behind himself to pull me to him. My throat rasps with a deep moan the instant his heat touches me, more intense now without the barrier between us. It's _exquisite_.

He opens more easily this time, taking me in much farther on the first tentative drops of his body than I was able to achieve by pushing into him.

"Ahh...fuck yeah...that's - oh God, that's _good_."

I can't respond. I'm utterly breathless, transfixed by the vision of him gently riding me without even a shadow of discomfort to darken his brow.

I look down and realize that I'm already almost halfway in. The worst is over for him and I can relax now. I stroke him slowly, encouraging him with a gentle hand on his thigh.

"You did it, baby....that's —"

He drops even lower still and lets out a low, raunchy groan.

"Oh _fuck_ –" I wheeze out on a constricted breath, assaulted with the primal urge to push up and _take_. That sound he made went straight to my balls. I'm literally shaking with the effort of holding myself back.

He holds my gaze as he deliberately lowers himself all the way in an infuriatingly slow descent, his mouth falling open more and more with every inch gained. " _Goddamn_..." he gasps when he's fully seated, and I immediately grow stiffer inside of him.

If he moves now, I'm gonna come.

I slide my hand up to his hip to hold him still while I stroke his cock, murmuring soft praise as he pulses and clenches around me.

"Be still, baby....just for a minute." I need time to calm myself. I'm so fucking close. I take several deep breaths as he wraps his hand over mine and slows my strokes.

He's watching me now with a very self-satisfied smile, teeth sunk deep into his bottom lip and eyes gleaming impishly. "I did good didn't I?" he asks after a moment, trying to shift his hips in a tiny circle.

My eyes slam shut for a second. God, it's _heaven_...even better than I could've imagined, and the fact that he's so obviously well-fucking-pleased with himself for getting what he wanted makes it even that much hotter.

"You still with me, Armie?" he teases, his voice practically dripping amusement.

I chuckle in acknowledgement- he's definitely won this round- but my voice catches when I try to give an articulated answer and I have to tighten my hold to restrain him from further mischief. I pry my eyes open again to find him positively _gloating_ over me.

"Cocky, aren't we?" I choke out. Jesus, I sound like I'm on my dying breath.

He arches a brow and flexes around me, making me buck and cry out involuntarily. I have to bite my tongue to keep from cursing himin every language I know.

He giggles and loses the smug expression. "Okay, okay - I'm sorry. I just want to make you feel good..." he shrugs, back to his old self again.

When I can breathe again, I motion for him to lean down and kiss me. "You do, Tim...you're amazing." I whisper against his lips. This new angle is just as torturous, but his mouth provides an excellent distraction and I soon feel a modicum of self control return to me.

He eventually escapes my hold and leverages himself back up, pulling my hand once again to his cock, clearly eager to continue. "Please?"

I smile up at him and indulge him with light friction as he tests his muscle control around me. "When you move, angle yourself back just a little."

"Yeah?" he grins crookedly, his hips already starting to twitch with impatience.

I thumb his dripping slit and answer softly with a sly smile of my own, " _Trust_ _me_..."

He obediently reaches back to plant his hands behind him as he prepares to lift himself.

I hold my breath as I watch him rise slowly and come to a moaning, shuddering stop when he discovers that perfect angle. His hips begin twitching minutely as he rubs himself right where he needs it. "Oh fuck...yeah...."

It's fucking divine to behold.

I feel him suddenly stiffen against my palm and bite my lip to stifle an even bigger smile. "Told you." I whisper. My turn to be a little smug.

He moves again, shaking and keening softly as he gives himself one more little nudge and I have to bite down even harder to ground myself and keep from rushing to the edge. I don't even really need the friction anymore - just to see him like this is enough to send me reeling.

He suddenly jerks and cries out, dropping back down to curl forward over me with his hands braced over mine to stop me from stroking him. "Armie." he squeezes his eyes shut and for a second I think he's in pain.

"Tim, baby - what's wrong?"

I can feel his muscles clenching spastically as he drags his eyes up to meet mine.

"I almost came."

I chuckle and squeeze him gently, nudging up into him just the tiniest bit. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

"But I don't want it to be over." he rasps raggedly.

I smile in understanding, but I also know that he must be exhausted from the both the physical and emotional strain of the evening. "Tim...I'm right there with you, baby." I reassure him, not wanting him to hold anything back.

He nods and closes his eyes, dragging in deep, slow breaths. "Just...just a second..."

I make myself as still as possible and caress him soothingly as he regathers his composure.

He eventually lifts himself straight up at a snails pace once his muscles stop clenching, testing the waters, and then slides back down with restraint revealed in the quaking of his thighs.

"Better?"

He nods silently and does it again, a little faster now that's he sure that this angle won't be the end of him.

It's glorious- _his_ first time, and he's trying to make it good for _me_.

"Does that...is this okay?"

Okay? Jesus- _fuck_. It's indescribable. The way he fits around me...the sheer _perfection_ of it– how do I put into words that watching him move above me and seeing the pleasure he takes from it is as close to a religious experience as I've ever had? I can'thold back anymore. "Tim....I'm so in love with you."

I feel the crushing vise around my heart crumble as he lets out a little sob and folds forward to kiss me. There's no going back now, consequences be damned.

I pull my hand from him and press him down against my chest, drinking in his ragged breaths and the taste of his tongue while he holds me inside him. He slides his mouth away from mine and whispers in my ear, "I'm yours now."

The simplicity of that statement and the weight of its meaning absolutely staggers me. No matter what happens after this, the significance of what we've done tonight has altered us both. I have taken his virginity and confessed my truth and he, in turn, has given himself without reservation and taken a part of my heart to hold forever.

"Tim..."

He slides back over to my mouth and kisses me again with a little shake of his head. "Please, don't say anything else right now."

As he sits up, I see tears in his eyes before he drops his head back and closes them when he starts moving again. It's even more sensual now- somehow exceeding the limits of purely physical intimacy-like the words we've spoken have changed the course of what this was originally intended to be.

I reach for his hand and wind our fingers together. "Look at me, please."

He pulls his head up and looks down at me through wet eyelashes, but no more tears form in his eyes as his mouth falls open in a soft, sighing moan.

I gently press him to lean back again, wanting to see that beautiful shudder when our bodies connect perfectly. Our entwined hands move to his cock, mine opening to encircle him and his covering mine to guide it.

Within three strokes he's crying out, the cords in his neck straining with the effort to remain upright as his orgasm pulses between our fingers and splashes down over my belly. I'm utterly entranced, watching in breathless awe as the thick ribbons keep coming one right after another.

My own release catches me by surprise when he clenches down hard on me at the peak of his. I strain up into him, chanting his name under my breath as I fill him.

I know I must look stunned when he finally meets my eyes again because we both laugh a little as we come down. The spell is broken and we're both a little giddy in the aftermath.

He glances down at our hands still wrapped around him and the mess he made and giggles. "Wow...um..."

I smile up at him and lick my lips, inwardly gloating just a tiny bit.

He rakes his cleaner hand though his hair and whooshes out a trembling breath through puckered lips as he gingerly pulls our hands away. "I've never come like that in my _life_."

My ego gives another little wink and a nudge, but I manage to bite my tongue and not say something absurdly cheesy. "You were incredible. _Perfect_."

He blushes and starts to shift, but I grab his hips to still him before he can pull off. "There's, uh...there's gonna be even more of a mess as soon as you move."

His blush brightens considerably. "I know...I felt it."

"You did?"

He nods, his mouth twisting as he fights a smile.

Now it's my turn to blush. I release my grip and he rises up with a little wince.

My eyes are immediately drawn to his inner thighs when he moves and I'm overcome with a sense of possessiveness as I watch the slow trickle of my cum drip down his flushed skin.

" _Fuuuck_..."

I didn't even realize I'd said it out loud until he looks up from watching it himself.

He grins at me and bites his lip. "Pervert."

I shrug and grin back.

"You want to see?" he tilts his head playfully and leans forward a little, waiting for my answer before he braces both hands on the mattress.

"Who's a pervert now?" I mutter, but immediately sit up to move around behind him.

He spreads his knees wider and leans fully over, planting himself on all fours and arching his back as I bend down behind him.

I reach out to touch the redded, puffy rim of his open hole delicately with my fingertips, but my tamer intentions are overridden as a baser part of my id takes over-I lean down to lick him instead.

He gasps and pulls away, looking at me over his shoulder with startled eyes. "Did you just... _lick_ me?"

I scrape the slick of cum off my bottom lip with my teeth and go still as a deer in headlights. This is it - the point at which he releazises that he's just given himself to a total deviant and regrets everything. My heart races.

He's quiet, staring at me for several seconds.

"Do it again." he commands huskily.

I don't move immediately, not quite believing what I just heard, but the little jerk of his chin towards his ass wakes me up.

I crouch down and grab his hips with both hands, pulling him towards my open mouth.

He arches his spine at an impossible angle when I push my tongue inside him and moans loud and low, "Oh god...so filthy... _yes_ –" He starts muttering expletives under his breath and pushing back against me, but just as I'm starting to _really_ get into it, he jolts away from me with a shuddering spasm and a shrill cry,"Fuck- stop!" He flops onto his stomach, giggling, and looks over his shoulder at me licking my chops like a goddamn wolf.

"You didn't like it?"

He smiles shyly and rubs his face on the sheets. "Too sensitive." he mumbles, and then turns back to look at me again. "But can we come back to that later?"

I wipe my hand over my chin and grin, feeling the stickiness already starting to glue my stubble to my skin. "Gladly."

He squirms, seemingly happy with my answer, then pulls a face. "I need a shower."

"You go get it started. I'm going to strip the bed and I'll join you in a minute."

He scrambles up and makes to come kiss me, but diverts to my forehead at the last second and lands one there instead, whispering ' _sick_ _and_ _twisted_ ' into my hair with a tiny snort of laughter.

I swat his ass and remind him that he was enjoying it before he limps off, still laughing, in the direction of the bathroom.

Once I hear the shower turn on, I take a deep breath and assess the damage. The sheets are definitely ruined, but the pillowcases appear to be mostly undefiled, so I start there, tossing them aside while I strip the bed. I'm still shaking a little, trying to absorb the full reality of what just happened as my limbs move automatically through the motions.

"Armie? Are you coming?" He calls from the bathroom, not even two minutes later. So impatient.

I quickly toss the duvet over the naked mattress and throw a clean sheet over it before going to join him.

He's on me before I'm even fully inside with the shower curtain closed, all wandering hands and wet kisses, his sopping curls tucked up under my chin.

He's even more cuddly after sex.

I love it.

I love _him_.

"Are you trying to climb me?" I laugh as I pull him close and let him wrap himself around me.

He sighs out a quiet ' _maybe_ ' against my chest and clings even tighter.

We're quiet for a long moment, lulled into a drowsy stupor by the steam and content to bask in the warmth of the afterglow as we stroke each other's backs and kiss softly.

He finally pulls away and tilts his head back to look up at me. "I don't want to go back to my apartment tonight. Can I stay here?"

"Tell me you didn't seriously think I was going to send you home after that..."I'm almost offended.

He give me a little half shrug and drops his eyes to my throat.

I kiss his forehead and pull him in close again. "Not happening. I want to see you drooling in your sleep when I wake up in the morning."

"I don't drool." he mutters indignantly, trying half-heartedly to wrestle himself away.

"You do. I've seen it."

He snorts and gives up.

I massage the back of his neck and sway slightly with him in my arms, thinking the shower might be a good place to fall asleep...the bed seems too far away.

"Armie?"

"Hm..."

"We only have three weeks left." His voice is thick, his grip around my waist tightening again.

I can't...."Shh. We don't need to talk about that right now." I press my mouth into his hair and hold my breath, praying that he'll let it be til morning.

He sniffles, "...okay."

I exhale slowly and reach around him to adjust the temperature of the water as he silently turns to grab the shampoo and pass it to me.

Strangely, I don't even give it a second thought when I take it from him and start shampooing his hair.

He's _mine_ now, after all....his words.

He smiles up at me with sleepy, red-rimmed eyes while I massage his scalp and then takes his turn trying to do the same for me, but I feel bad watching him struggle to reach and take over as the water starts cooling.

I turn the hot water up to max to give us a few more minutes as we dance around each other with shy smiles, soaping up and washing each other's backs before it gets too cold to bear.

"Next time we should take a bath." he giggles, back to his happy self as he darts under the chilly spray before bolting out with a shiver.

I eye the tub doubtfully as I step out, but reconsider my smart-ass comment as I'm assaulted by ideas for the positions that would be necessary to fit us both into the limited space. "That could be _fun_." The insinuation couldn't be clearer even if I spelled it out for him.

"Definitely." He grins at me and gives his hair a cursory blot with the towel before dropping it on the floor and racing to the bed.

I pick it up and hang it with mine before turning off the light and following.

"Jesus, it's fucking _cold_." He shivers under the thin sheet just as I raise it up to crawl under.

I shake my head and stifle a little laugh at myself as I dutifully go to the wardrobe to get the extra duvet without him even asking for it. He's already got me trained to do his bidding with just a passing mention of his discomfort. Jesus...what am I going to be like by the end of this?

He hums and burrows deeper into the pillows as I shake it out and cover him before crawling in beside him.

"Thank you."

I reach out and unceremoniously yank him flush up against me with a muttered, "You're welcome, _majesty_."

He giggles and wiggles his butt against me as he pulls my arm tight around his middle. "Tonight was good, wasn't it?"

I sigh into his hair contentedly. "It was." And then add, because I'm a glutton for punishment...."No regrets?"

He's quiet for a moment, just long enough to make me start to wonder, then turns slightly to look over his shoulder. "Only that we waited so long."

I hum and move in closer, placing a kiss on the crest of his shoulder as I think about our time together and how quickly everything has progressed. "We've barely known each other four weeks, Tim."

He shrugs and mumbles, "Feels like longer."

I nod silently and kiss him again. It feels like forever.

He turns back around and goes quiet again, but I can feel him playing with my fingers and know that his mind is still working. I hear him take a little breath like he's about to say something, but he just squirms again instead.

I wrap my feet around his and rub his belly gently, tying to get him to relax. We have an early call time tomorrow.

"Armie?"

Apparently it's not working. "Hm?"

"Will you let me...next time?"

It takes my drowsy brain a few seconds to process what he's asking. I grin secretly into the curls at the back of his neck and decide to tease him a little. "Let you _what_?"

He plucks at my fingers and burrows back against me like he wants me to absorb him. "You know... _have_ you."

I laugh softly. "After everything I heard from your mouth tonight, you can't say it?"

He twists around in my arms to face me. One eye peeks over the fluff of the pillow, the half curve of an embarrassed grin- the rest is all buried."That was different. It's different when it's the heat of the moment."

I kiss his forehead and smile down at him, gently urging him towards me with a hand on his lower back.

He snuggles in and tilts his head back to kiss me beneath my chin. "I want to know what it feels like to be inside you..." he says softly, still sounding self-conscious about giving words to the thought.

I slide my hand up his back and tug on his hair a little to bring his mouth up to mine with a soft whisper, "Yes."

He opens up and slides his tongue over mine, his hand slipping down to grip my hip and pull us together.

I chuckle and pull back a little, amazed to feel him stirring against me. Oh, to be twenty again. "Not tonight though, Romeo. We need to sleep."

He huffs a little pouting sigh and kisses me again, more chastely this time. "Sleep is overrated."

"You gotta save something for he peach tomorrow."

He laughs and pinches my side. "You jealous?"

I jump and grab his hand with a yelp. Boy has strong fingers. "Maybe a little."

"Don't be. I'll be thinking of you." He bites his lip and smiles wickedly as he pushes against me and for a second I'm tempted to give in, but Luca will have our asses if we both limp onto set with bags under our eyes tomorrow.

"You better not or he won't be able to use the footage."

He grins and relaxes his grip on me. "Fair point."

I reach out to brush his hair back, swimming the way he's looking at me right now and thinking that even though I've just won the argument, I feel like I've lost the prize. "Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow." he echoes and leans up to kiss me one last time. "Goodnight, Armie." He settles against my chest.

" 'Night, baby." It's going to be so hard not to call him that on set tomorrow.

I drift off counting the days we have left.


	2. Shaken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we see a bit more (too much?) into Armie's head.  
> Forgive me.  
> He's a very fractured and complicated man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a minute...please, be kind.  
> Also - Lots of internal thoughts/remembering past conversations here, so bear with me and my deluge of indicative italics (the bane of my existence).
> 
> Unbeta'd.  
> It is what it is.

I swear to God it's sounds like he's purring...

"Tim."

No reaction except a soft little groan and a subtle shifting under the mountain of duvet he stole from me last night. I roll over onto my back and rub the sand from my eyes before checking the time.

It's early still. I can go back to sleep for at least half an hour if I want to. Very tempting....but so is the pile of warm limbs hidden under all that soft cotton next to me.

I roll back onto my side to watch as he snores quietly, nothing but eyebrows and messy curls visible in the folds of the covers. Should I wake him? I know he's not a morning person. It usually takes him no less than forty-five minutes to reacclimate himself to being human after his alarm goes off.

I smile to myself thinking about all the little details about him that I've learned over these last weeks. I will hoard them like treasure in the days to come...the days after.

No...not going to think about that right now.

He stirs and whimpers softly, his brows drawing together ever so slightly before they relax again just as quickly.

What is he dreaming about? Piano lessons? Peaches? _Me_?

He groans and rolls over onto his back, his head twisting side to side on the pillow a bit before he settles again.

Maybe it's a bad dream? I'll make it better....

I find the edge of the duvet and slip beneath, sliding my hand over his ribcage to pull him against me so I can bury my face in the side of his neck.

He's so warm and pliant, murmuring nonsense under his breath when I disturb his dream. He sighs when I squeeze him and then I hear him swallow and smack his lips. 

"Was dreaming about you." I love the sleepy gravel in his voice. I want to bottle it and save it for–

"Yeah? Good things, I hope."

"Mm." He goes quiet and still again as I rub his belly.

"Are you gonna tell me?" I ask softly.

"It's fading..." He pauses for a several seconds, "...bunnies."

"Bunnies?"

"Mm-hmn. Bunch of 'em." He shifts and stretches, yawns loudly.

Why does he have to be so damn cuddly?

"What were the bunnies doing?"

"Fucking." he laughs, relaxing back into my arms. It's deep and throaty....seductive.

Dammit. Do we have enough time?

"You were dreaming about me and bunnies fucking? Okay. Not weird at all." I grin and push up to look down at him.

He licks his lips and blinks up at me sleepily. "Would have been even weirder if you were fucking the bunnies."

"Thank God for small favors." I snort a laugh, "What was my part in all this again?"

His face screws up in thought. "I don't– I think you were just standing there? Like, all these bunnies were around your feet and I was bringing more to you, but you didn't want them." He looks up at me in sleepy confusion. "Why didn't you want my bunnies?"

I smile down at him and kiss his nose. "Dream me is stupid. Forget him. Real me wants all your fucking bunnies."

He rubs his eyes and grins wickedly. "There's probably something very Freudian about it. Bunnies fucking...you in the middle of it. Think we should analyze it?" 

"I think it's pretty obvious already." I barely manage to hold onto my laughter. "Besides, I can think of better ways to spend what little time we have this morning." I shift my bulk a little more over him.

"Yeah?" He's instantly more alert. 

"Yeah." I kiss him slowly and then pull the duvet over my head as I start making my way down.

He giggles. So ticklish.

"What are you doing?" He asks when I skip over his half-hard cock with a teasing lick.

"Remember....you said I could come back to it."

"Come back to–?" 

I settle between his legs and nuzzle my mouth behind his balls as I push his knees back.

"Oh!"

It's the last coherent sound I hear from him for the next fifteen minutes.

 

*******

 

He stares at me from the other side of the back seat, slouched boneless and completely relaxed with one foot stretched out to rest on my lap.

"We could've made time." he smiles lazily.

"No, we couldn't have. You know how militant Luca is about catching the light."

"But now you're all..." he trails off and makes a face, gesturing vaguely at my entire presence.

I laugh a little and squeeze his ankle. "I'm okay, Tim. Really. " I am so very _not_ okay. Not even okay- _ish_ , truth be told, but he doesn't need to know that.

He flexes his foot and nudges me. "I'll make it up to you."

I just smile and turn to look out the window in search of something to distract me from the weight of his bare leg in my lap.

He pulls his foot away and is suddenly half way on my lap, his body glued to my side.

"I really will. I promise." he purrs close to my ear.

God, if he only knew what just the tone of his voice can do to me. My gaze flicks automatically to the reflection of the driver's eyes in the rear view mirror - thankfully, he's distracted by traffic and not paying any attention to us.

I shift my hand to his knee and squeeze gently. "You don't have to make promises, Tim. I'm a big boy. Besides, I knew we didn't have much time this morning. That wasn't for me, it was for _you._ " Lies. It was entirely selfish and totally worth the ache in my balls afterwards when we both finally looked up at the clock and had to scramble to get ready.

He gives a dubious hum and snuggles in closer, resting his head on my shoulder. "How many scenes do we have today?" he asks with a put-upon sigh.

Too many. 

"I'm not sure." I look up at the sky and pray for rain. There's not a cloud to be seen for miles.

He sighs again. "Maybe we'll get rained out."

Get out of my head kid. "Not likely." 

His hand sneaks beneath the backpack he plops on my lap and creeps up. "There are lots of places to hide in the villa..."

"I think those bunnies really got to you." I half snort, stopping his hand by the wrist before it gets me into trouble.

"I think _you_ really got to me." He scooches impossibly closer and stretches up to whisper in my ear. "That thing you did with your mouth this morning? _Fuck_...that was _amazing_."

I can feel his hand flexing to get free from my grip, fingers digging in and in inching up. It's a little unsettling - the knowledge that he would absolutely grope me right here in the backseat with the driver there to witness it all. I may have created a monster.

"Sex fog." I roll my eyes and chuckle under my breath.

"What?" he purrs, nuzzling into my neck.

"You're in a sex fog. How can you _still_ be horny?" I shake my head, wondering how my plan to take the edge off before the day started had backfired so completely.

"I'm still horny because... _you_. You're so fucking _sexy_ , Armie...especially when you're trying to be good."

I laugh as I loosen my grip on his wrist in a momentary lapse of judgement and he immediately moves his hand up to cup me with a possessive squeeze. The laugh catches in my throat as he presses his palm harder against me. "You're killing me, you know that?" I hiss. I had barely settled from this morning's play time, and here he is winding me up again.

Today is going to be hard enough as it is with scenes featuring Elio in those damnable low riding jorts, and this is definitely compounding the problem...but so help me, I can't bring myself to pull his hand away.

"Mmm...I want..." He whispers and rubs me gently.

"Fuck- Tim, please stop. I'm not going to be able to walk." I can see the gates coming up in the distance. We're almost there. " _Please_." I beg and finally find the strength to pull his hand away.

He backs off with a little pout, his bottom lip caught between his teeth.

I lean over and kiss him quickly. Fuck the driver. "Later, baby. I promise."

He chases the kiss with a little groan as I lean away to open my door. I swoop back in and growl a single word at him, " _Behave_." before taking his hand and pulling him across the seat.

We walk up the long drive together bumping shoulders, him grinning like an imp with his hands shoved into his pockets, me with my backpack held firmly in front of my crotch.

He seems all too pleased with himself over that little detail.

 

*******

 

To his credit, he leaves me alone for the most part once we're on set. It's a little awe inspiring, to be honest. The instant Luca waves to us as we come around the bend, Professional Timmy takes up residence and it's like the groping in the car never even happened.

There's already a flurry of activity - people moving in every direction and equipment being set up for the first shot. We're quickly ushered to hair and makeup with Luca hot on our heels with the revisions for today's scenes. He's anxious to get started just as I knew he would be.

I toss a pointed ' _told you so_ ' glance in Tim's direction when I catch his eye and he gives me a little shrug of concession.

The morning flies by in a blur. You wouldn't think it would be so much to work to look lazy and lay in the grass, but the details seem to take forever to get right.

It doesn't help that we end up having camera troubles halfway though and Luca's mood goes to shit.

We're all standing around trying not to draw his ire as he fusses with Sam over the camera and gestures wildly at the sky overhead. His laid back disposition when things are progressing smoothly tends to evaporate the moment things come to a stop without him calling for it. His annoyance is not something to be trifled with, and we have all learned to keep well away until whatever problem encountered has been resolved.

I find myself with time on my hands to watch Tim and relive some of the more vivid moments from last night...probably not the best idea to dwell on them, but it's still too fresh in my mind to win that battle.

I have been watching him dance from foot to foot for a full minute now while thinking my unhelpful thoughts. He's so squirmy - constantly in motion - it's very amusing, but I'm beginning to wonder..."What are you doing? Got ants in your pants?"

He glances up from his feet with a pained expression. "It's hot."

"Where are your shoes?"

"I dunno." His eyes fall to my espadrilles and he takes a few hopping steps towards me. "Can I stand on yours?" He's already grabbing my arms to steady himself as he raises one foot before I can even answer.

Of course he knows I'm not gonna say no.

"Uh...sure." I laugh as I feel one of his arches settle over my instep.

He wobbles and I grab for his waist to stabilize him as he maneuvers his other foot into position with a dramatic, relieved sigh.

It's awkward and uncomfortable. I can feel the bones in the tops of my feet grinding under his weight, the sand from his toes trickling down into my shoes. "Jesus, you're heavy."

"Fuck off- am not." he scoffs.

I pull him closer and lace my fingers together at the base of his spine to hold him still, taking the opportunity to rib him a little more. "Tenderfoot." 

"Sasquatch." he mutters, gripping handfuls of my shirt at the back and tugging to keep his balance.

"Maybe, but you're grateful for it right now, aren't you?"

He tilts his head back and grins up at me with the sun in his eyes.

My god, he's beautiful...I'm so tempted to kiss him, but now is not the time. There are too many people around.

His eyes flick to my lips and his mouth twists up in a little smirk. He knows. I'm sure he can read it all over my face.

"How are you feeling?" I ask quietly, keeping my voice low so no one passing can hear.

He turns his head to the side and rests his cheek against my shoulder, tipping his mouth up to answer in a low murmur. "I can still feel you inside me when I clench...I've been doing it all day."

Suddenly the heat of his naked belly pressed against mine between the parted fabric of my shirt is too much. He's sticky-damp and intoxicatingly smooth. I can feel my pulse jump in my neck and know he must as well if his quiet giggle is any indication.

"What are you doing to me?" I groan, torn between vexation and delight by his brazenness with so many eyes around us.

"You asked..." he drags his lips across my skin.

"Tim, not here–"

His hips nudge just the tiniest bit against me, his breath hot at my throat. "I'm doing it right now."

I hiss in a sharp breath between clenched teeth and exhale slowly into the sun warmed curls on top of his head. "Goddammit...you're such a tease."

Just then, Luca claps his hands loudly and calls to us, saving me from further torture and potential embarrassment.

"Don't pretend you don't like it." He whispers and laughs before stepping down and shooting me a bright smile with a casual 'thanks' for all to hear. 

He leaves me standing there like a fool, breathless and dumbstruck, watching him trot over to where Luca waits for us in the shady grass....standing right next to his discarded shoes.

"Okay, boys. Looks like we have to break early for lunch. Sam needs to replace a part, so you have one hour for kraft table. We will have to start from the top once we resume because the continuity of light has been fucked over, so rest now because we aren't stopping again until dinner. Capisce?"

We both nod like obedient schoolboys and turn to leave before anything else comes up, but Tim grabs my arm before I can step away.

"Just a sec."

He steadies himself by holding onto my elbow and flashes me a sidelong smile as he shoves his feet into his shoes.

"Turd." I mutter under my breath as we walk towards the food being laid out.

"What?" His tone is all innocence, but I can see the color rising in his cheeks.

"You know damn well what." I fire back, pointedly looking at his shoes.

He ignores the bait and glances around distractedly, then quickly grabs my wrist before we reach the table. "Come with me."

"Tim—" I'm hungry, I was about to say, but he doesn't give me a chance. 

He drags me into the villa, past the living room, down the hallway and into a room used for storage of un-needed furniture and excess equipment.

"What are you up to?"

"Shh." He says and quietly closes the door behind us before turning and pushing me back up against it. "I need to tell you something. It's important." and then his mouth is on mine, all sliding tongue and nipping teeth.

I'm helpless to resist it, immediately lost in the texture of his mouth and the heat of his body pressed up against me.

When he pulls away and smiles up at me in that dopey, heavy lidded way he always gets after a good kiss, I can't help but smile back. "Look, I'm not saying that wasn't important, but this isn't exactly a good time."

He shakes his head, "That was just a segue." He kisses me again until I'm breathless and groping at his hips before pulling back to look up into my eyes searchingly. "That...right there. The way you're looking at me right now."

"Huh?" I blink in total confusion. He makes my head spin.

He reaches up to touch just beneath my eye and slides his fingers over my cheek and back into my hair. 

"No one has ever looked at me the way you do, Armie." He tugs at my roots to drive his point home. 

I tilt my head slightly and give him a questioning half smile, "Huh?"

"God, this was all so clear in my head..." He drops his forehead to my shoulder and groans.

"Hey..." I guide his head back up but his eyes shift away. 

He takes a big breath and says quietly, "You look at me like I'm something special..."

"That's because you _are_ special, Tim." I smile and kiss the crest of one cheekbone delicately, still not quite comprehending where all of this is supposed to be going.

He pulls back a little and drops his head back with a sigh, his brows angling up in that tell-tale way that reveals his growing frustration. "I'm doing a shit job of trying to explain it..." 

"Hey, it's okay. I get it." I don't, but I don't like when he gets upset.

"No. Listen - when we kiss, you get this soft look in your eyes...." He touches my face again and trails his eyes down to my mouth, "...but when I push, when I _provoke_ you–" he grips my waist and presses up against me for emphasis. "it changes. You look at me like I'm something to be devoured.It's almost possessive and it makes me feel a little dizzy." he finishes with a breathless lick of his lips.

_Almost_ possessive? Think again, kid. Time to deflect. I grin at him when he meets my eyes again, "So your saying you like to toy with me to get a reaction?"

He shakes his head. "No...you don't understand. I can't get enough, Armie. I'm addicted to the way you respond to me- that I can have this affect on you. I can't stop myself from pushing for more. I'm sorry. I know it's selfish and manipulative, but I also know that we're on borrowed time—"

"Tim- stop." It comes out firmer than intended. I cup his cheek to soften the words. "You don't have to apologize."

He pulls my hand away quickly and squeezes it in his own. "But I feel like I _do_. I don't want you to think I'm just doing all this to be an asshole. I _need_ it, Armie. I need you to look at me like I'm the only one you want, like I _belong_ to you. I need it more and more with every day that passes because at the end of this you're going to leave me behind and go back to your family and your Hollywood life and... I'm scared to death that no one else will ever look at me the way you do."

I'm stunned to silence as I watch the tears building in his eyes with every word.

"Don't you _get it_ , Armie? I have to hoard these moments...every kiss, every look because I'm scared that...that I won't have anything left when this is all over." The tears are spilling down his cheeks by the end of it and my heart suddenly feels like it's lodged itself in my throat.

I pull him against me and slide down the door cradling him like a child as he starts to sob. "Oh god...Tim. Baby. Please, don't cry."

"I'm sorry."

I rock him gently and whisper into his hair, "Stop apologizing to me. If you only knew what's been going through my head..."

He sniffles and looks up at me. "What's been going through your head?" his voice hitches.

I swipe a tear off his cheek and gather the courage to speak. "You're not alone in being afraid of what comes after." My chest feels tight with the admission.

He pushes up to sit a little straighter and face me. "No?"

I pull him back down against me. "Don't. I need you close right now."

He settles back against me and grabs a handful of my shirt, giving it a little tug. "Talk to me....please?"

I sigh and breathe in the scent of his shampoo. "Just this morning I was wishing I could bottle your sleepy voice when you first wake up."

He huffs a little laugh and sniffles again.

"And before that I was arguing with myself whether to wake you or not because I know you're not a morning person, but it was precious minutes that we could have alone together." I squeeze him a little and lower my voice even more. "I'm greedy too, Tim. I don't want all of this to end. I don't even know if it's possible to go back to being who I was before..."

He tilts his head back to look at me. "I would stay here forever with you." he whispers shakily, the tears flowing again.

God, if only that were possible. "I know you would." I kiss his forehead and try to smile.

He tries to smile back, but I can see that he's embarrassed and overwhelmed. 

"I really didn't mean to get all emo on you. I just needed you to understand. I'm not...I'm not trying to make it harder on you, and I promise I'll try to stop if it's too much, but I couldn't handle the idea that you might think I'm just being a shit."

I can feel his fingers clutching harder at my shirt and the earnestness in his eyes makes my own sting. He is too good. Too pure. Feeling everything all at once and completely incapable of hiding it. 

"I don't want you stop. I know I probably should, but..." I shrug and pull him tight against me. "You're kind of irresistible, you know? Even if you weren't doing all those little things to drive me crazy, I'd still be thinking it - about _you_. At least this way I get to reciprocate." I dig my fingers into his sides a little and laugh when he starts to squirm.

He squeals and giggles. "Stop! Stop!"

I bend down and stage whisper against his ear, "Shhh. Someone will hear you." and tickle him a little more just to hear him laugh in that breathless, hiccup-y way he has when he loses all self control. It's only when I nearly get a rib cracked with his bony elbow that I finally relent, but the trick has done its work. The tears are gone and he seems relaxed again.

He goes completely limp, his breath coming in fast little pants as he looks up at me with bright eyes and wet cheeks. "We should probably get out there and eat something before we're called back, huh?" he sighs.

I pull a face and nod, looking off into the distance as I consider other options. "Yeah, or...."

"Or?"

"We could stay here and make out a little." 

He nods slowly and grins. "Food is overrated."

"Definitely."

 

*******

 

I can still taste him as I hastily throw a sandwich together from the remains of the lunch spread we missed out on.

He grins at me as he peels his banana and turns on his heel to go find Sam and Luca.

I toss up a silent prayer that the swelling in his lips is not as obvious to everyone else as it is to me and start cramming down my sandwich as I follow him.

As I suspected, Luca is already chomping at the bit to get started and I'm grateful that we were able to to pry ourselves off each other in time to scarf something down before the next shot. Ruining scenes with growling stomachs seems ill advised given the thunder still darkening our fearless leader's brow.

"Okay. Places, por favore. Armie, you have–" he breaks off, cursing under his breath as he snaps his fingers to call Paola over to fix whatever I've botched.

She rushes over with brushes bristling between her fingers and a tissue already poised to blot my chin. I can only stand there and try not to blush as I lower myself to make it easier for her to dab and powder me.

When Luca nods in approval, she moves over to Tim who has been standing by watching the proceedings with a smirk of amusement. He gets a cluck of tongue as she touches up the skin around his mouth and it's my turn to arch a brow at his embarrassment.

Thankfully, everything starts flowing with very little effort once the cameras start rolling. The combination of warm sunshine and the glow of heat still curled in my belly from our lunch tryst makes it much easier to relax and follow the lazy groove of the current scene as 'Elio' languidly plucks at chords and watches me lay in the grass.

I nearly smile at the 'Timmyness' of the nod he gives me before hopping off the stones to stride across the yard, but my breath catches as he hitches up his shorts and gives everyone an eyeful on his way to the door of the villa.

Little bastard....that was _definitely_ not in the scene notes.

I hop up to follow on cue and hear 'cut' after several strides after him.

I can see Tim milling around through the windows as everyone begins setting up inside for the piano scene. He catches my eye and grins at me through the glass. He knows what he did. I shake my head and laugh. I can't even be mad...I _did_ tell him I didn't want him to stop.

 

*******

 

The piano scene, unfortunately, requires several takes. Tim is determined to get it perfect and when he doesn't on the first two tries, it results in a stiffer performance on the third and fourth.

We take a short break and I pull him aside, rubbing his shoulders and murmuring words of encouragement that only he can hear while Sam and Luca squint over a small screen.

"How did I get so lucky?"

"Hmm?" The question catches me off guard.

Tim turns to face me, his soft skin sliding beneath my palms as they fall away from his shoulders. He smiles up at me and brushes his fingers against mine before letting his hand drop to his side. 

"You take such good care of me, and you don't have to. It's nice." he gives a little shrug, his cheeks pinking up.

I tuck my hands safely behind my back and risk half a step towards him, leaning down a little closer to the side of his head. "Are you seriously thanking me for giving a damn, Tim?" I chuckle.

His cheeks brighten even more. "Yeah...I guess I am." he mumbles in the direction of his shuffling feet.

Jesus, he so sweet. How could anyone _not_ fall all over themselves to take care of him? My mind refuses to accept that he actually feels like he needs to _thank_ me for caring about him...what has he been through to make him react like this?

I throw caution to the wind and grab the back of his neck, planting a kiss on his forehead as I whisper, "It goes a little deeper than that."

I want to hold him like this forever. The heat from his blush warming my palmlaid across the back of his neck and his shallow breaths tickling my collarbone.

"Boys? When you are ready, please." His tone suggests that we need to be ready _right now_ , please and thank you very fucking much.

I take a deep breath and let him go, giving him my best 'go get 'em' smile as he meets my eyes before backing away.

I can tell by his posture when sits on the bench that our little moment has done wonders to ease his tension. I watch him rock and sway, his back arching seductively as he reaches one hand over the other and teases the notes from the keys. It's hypnotic and so, _so_ sensual.

I sink back to the edge of the chair and force myself to look away, screw my face up as though I'm actually listening.

My line comes reflexively on cue when the time comes and Tim beams at me when Luca calls 'cut' again.

We got it on the first take.

 

*******

 

Luca is always respectfully apologetic on days when he knows he's been a bit of a bastard, so the invitation to dine with him that evening at his home isn't unexpected, but for some reason I can't bring myself to lie to him when he asks us to join him.

I find myself shifting from foot to foot, glancing awkwardly at Tim while my lagging brain frantically tries to come up with a _legitimate_ reason to bow out.

Tim miraculously jumps right in and makes hasty excuses on both our behalfs, mumbling something about rehearsing and turning in early, which I am immediately and absolutely convinced Luca doesn't buy for a second.

I have to pinch my thigh as I silently nod in agreement with Tim's scheme, sweating bullets under The Maestro's all seeing gaze.

Luca cooly raises one brow and gives a slight shrug, but I can see one corner of his mouth curling up in the ghost of a smile. "Don't be late tomorrow, eh?"

I can't draw a proper breath until he turns away and leaves us to go join the others again.

Tim finally nudges me to start walking.

I look at him from the side of my eyes as we make our way down the drive. "You're a terrible liar, you know that?"

He swerves into me and laughs. "I know. I suck. I've really got to up my game, huh?"

"Please, don't." I say with more earnestness than I intended.

He glances over at me, the smile slowly receding from his face. "I'll never lie to you, Armie. I promise."

I pause with my hand on the door handle, feeling a terrible weight in my chest and the need to snark something about good intentions and promises kept, but the sound of the driver clearing his throat distracts me and I end up just nodding instead.

His eyes narrow slightly and he tilts his head a little as I finally yank the door open and gesture for him to climb in first. He doesn't say anything as I settle in beside him and the roar of the ignition shakes the tiny car to life.

I reach for his hand on the seat between us and squeeze his fingers, but he continues looking out the window as we pull away.

"Hey." I tug at him to get him to move closer. I can feel him resisting. "Tim. What's wrong?"

He turns to me slowly, his eyes pinched at the corners. "You don't believe me, do you? That I will never lie to you...."

I have to clear my throat before answering. "Everyone lies, Tim."

"In general, yes. That's not what I'm talking about though. I said I would never lie _to you_. That's a separate issue. Do you believe me? Because I don't feel like you do..."

"I'm not asking you to make any promises, Tim." I don't even realize how cruel it sounds until I feel his fingers pull away from mine. I close my eyes and take a breath, hold it as I silently chasten myself for my callousness. He didn't deserve that.

"I never said you were." He exhales forcefully through his nose and sits quietly for a few seconds as my own mind silently races for something to say to smooth this over.

"Last night." he says tightly, "You said you loved me. You said that you're _in love with me_ , and I told you I'm yours. Are those not promises? Was that...was that just–" he seems to choke on his words, his voice breaking before he can finish.

I reach out and yank him across the seat, practically pulling him onto my lap as I wrap both arms around him. "I meant every word." I whisper harshly against the side of his neck.

I feel the tension in his posture ease slightly and hear his breathy, whispered response, "I did too."

He straightens up and looks me dead in the eyes. "So why is it so hard to believe me when I say I won't ever lie to you? If you believe in what we said, then you have to believe I wouldn't lie to you. That's how love works."

If only it were that simple...

My head swims with memories of lies. Lies I've heard from those who claim to love me, lies I've told to those I've once loved. 

' _Foresaking all others_...' 

I am overcome with a wave of self loathing so powerful my gut clenches. 

How the fuck did I get here? 

He blinks at me with clear eyes, his expression completely unguarded and questioning.

I stare back silently for far too long, not trusting my voice. "That hasn't been my experience, Tim." The words make me feel physically ill.

He disentagles himself from my grip and faces forward again, sitting back and gazing placidly through the windshield up front. "Then maybe you haven't actually experienced real love..." he says with chilling equanimity.

I feel his words like a punch to my sternum.

The car comes to an abrupt stop at the curb in front of my apartment and I hear the driver say goodnight, but I can't bring myself to move.

Tim opens his door and gets out, lopes around to my side and pauses when he realizes I haven't made a move to exit. He opens my door and leans down, looks at me with sad eyes and offers his hand, "Come on."

 

*******

Timmy takes the keys from me at the top of the stairs and unlocks the door. I stand there stupidly and watch him unlock it trying to figure out how I managed to make it up two flights without even realizing I was moving in the first place.

His words ring like a gong in my head.

'... _maybe you haven't actually experienced real love_.'

I hear him drop the keys on the table as I shuffle mindlessly to the kitchen and draw myself a glass of water from the tap.

His hands come around my waist just as I'm taking the last gulp.

"Hey....I'm sorry. That was out of line. I had no right. I know you took vows and-" 

I turn in his arms and gently press three fingers over his lips to silence him. I don't want to hear him say those words. He has no idea what he's done- what nerve he's exposed, and I cannot bear to think about it anymore right now, much less explain my cornered reaction to him.

"Can we put a pin in this conversation? Just for now?" 

He nods silently and reaches up for my hand still at his mouth with both of his, unfolding it to place a kiss on my palm. He slides it over to his cheek and nuzzles into it. "I _am_ sorry. I didn't mean–"

I quickly gather him to me and kiss his forehead, cutting him off. "Don't be. I just...I need a few minutes, okay?" I close my eyes and breathe in the scent of sunshine and sweat lingering in his hair.

He nods silently and I slowly pull back. 

"I'm gonna go take a shower."

He steps back to give me space and clears his throat as he scratches nervously at the back of his neck. "Okay. I'm gonna...I'll run across to the deli and pick up some dinner. Any requests?" His eyes are far too wary for my taste. My instinct to 'fix it' kicks in.

I catch his eye and reach out to tug at the front of his shirt to pull him back in closer to me. "Only that you hurry back and join me before the water gets cold." I'm amazed at how convincing I sound.

He tilts his head back and gives me a hesitant grin. "Yeah? You still want to...?"

"Yeah. I do." I kiss him softly and watch his grin broaden to a genuine smile as he settles back to his heels after.

"Okay. I'll be right back. Don't-" he gives me that vague, all encompassing gesture again "you know. Without me."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Still smiling, I shake my head and close my eyes for an added dose of sincerity. 

He backs away from me biting his lip and absently fumbles for the keys as he reaches behind himself for the doorknob.

I wait for him to close the door behind him before allowing myself a moment to fall apart, turning and reaching for the edge of the counter to brace myself as my stomach roils and threatens to heave.

Fuck...what the hell am I doing? I'm in too deep.

I close my eyes and see a flash of the ultrasound picture Liz texted to me three days ago. I haven't told anyone. She doesn't want to announce it yet....which is honestly fine by me because I haven't quite accepted the reality of it myself. 

' _you're going to leave me behind and go back to your family_...'- Timmy's words echo in my head.

My plans for a trial separation when I returned from filming had suddenly evaporated with the sound of a incoming text notification. I hadn't even been able to muster the energy to feign excitement when she called less than two minutes later.

' _Isn't it great, babe? Hopsy will have a playmate and our little family will finally be complete!'_

I remember swallowing back the taste of bile before I could answer.

' _Liz...this wasn't - we didn't even talk about this.'_

' _What was there to talk about, husband? I told you I wanted two kids. Harper is old enough now, and I'm not getting any younger. The timing was right_.' Her voice had grown steadily colder with every word.

I'd had to clamp my mouth shut to keep from blurting out the ugly truth I saw right through to. Timing had nothing to do with it. This was her Hail Mary.

_'The timing was right.'_

Lies.

Vows.

I refill my glass quickly and chug it, trying to drown the swell of bitterness that threatens to overwhelm me.

' _I'll never lie to you, Armie_.'

' _Maybe you haven't actually experienced real love....'_

I close my eyes and see _his_. Clear. Guileless. Trusting.

"I think I finally have, Tim...I just hope I haven't already fucked it all up." I tell the empty room before retreating to the shower as promised.

 

*******

I avoid my face in the mirror as I turn on the bathroom light, quickly yanking opening the medicine cabinet to reveal the little pre-packaged squeeze bottle I had stashed away there when we first broached the subject of how far we wanted to take this. In the end I realized that I didn't give a damn about 'polite consideration' where the nature of his body was concerned, and it ended up staying on the shelf right where I had left it.

I sigh and pick it up, wondering how I'm going to be able to go through with tonight given my current state of mind. I feel anything but 'in the mood' right now despite Tim's constant stoking throughout the day...but I did make him a promise last night.

I quickly set about taking care of business with much more discomfort than I remember it causing in the past, and pray that I'll be done with this part before he gets back with the food.

It's so undignified, but I wouldn't want anything unpleasant to spoil this for him. My mind goes strangely blank as I finish up and dispose of the bottle before turning the shower on.

It always takes me a few minutes to adjust after this process...like my body has to recognize that nothing disastrous has happened and all is well. I sigh quietly to myself as I think about the last time I had to prepare myself for anyone. Tom was always a stickler for cleanliness in general, but _this_ most especially. It took me a very long time to get over the humiliation of accepting that my body in it's natural state was not acceptable for a man of such high standards, but the lesson stayed with me, and now I couldn't even conceive of giving Timmy anything less than the cleanest, best possible version of me I could offer him...so I squirm around a little under the spray and spread my cheeks to let the water sluice away the unpleasant feeling of lingering douche. I'm lost in unhealthy, circuitous thoughts of measuring up when sable curls over a singularly arched eyebrow appear without warning around the edge of the shower curtain just as I turn around with a soap loaded sponge.

"Jesus!" I jump back and catch myself just before my foot slips. "You scared the crap out of me!"

Timmy grins as his eyes wander lasciviously down the length of my body. "Anything _untoward_ going on in here while I was out?" he asks suspiciously.

I spread my arms wide to expose my currently unimpressive state and shrug. "I just got in."

He rakes the curtain back a few more inches with a curious ' _hmph_ ' and steps back to strip out of his shirt while he kicks off his shoes. "I thought for sure you'd be halfway done already." he grins up at me, tilting his head back as he shoves his shorts and boxers down in one go, "But you didn't even start, huh?"

"I had, uh...other matters to attend to first." 

He glances over his shoulder, following my traitorous glimpse toward the small trash can.

I mentally kick myself as I watch him take a step back and peek into the can.

"What's-...oh!"

My cheeks are immediately on fire.

He steps into the shower and peers up at me curiously with a little head tilt. "Why did you do that?"

I roll my eyes, "Well...obviously." I look away and start soaping myself up, hoping he'll drop it.

"Armie, you didn't have to do that for me."

Something in me squeezes up into a tight little ball. Tom would _never_ have said that to me, and yet this kid...

I shrug.

"But...I didn't do that for _you_."

"I didn't ask you to."

"Should I have?" the pitch of his voice rises slightly with worry now.

I stop my scrubbing and step closer to him, pulling him into a soapy hug. "Nope. I wanted you just as you are."

"Was it gross?" his brow pinches as he tilts his head back and looks up at me.

"Did I give you any indication _at all_ that I found literally _anything_ about last night to be less than amazing?"

"Well, no, but–"

"But nothing. You're perfect. You couldn't repulse me even if you tried." 

He's silent for a heartbeat, just staring up at me. "You are too, you know?"

I swallow a lump in my throat and bend down to kiss him. "Thank you..." It feels silly even as I say it, but something inside me unwound and relaxedwith those simple words, and I felt that I needed to express my gratitude to him.

He slides his hands up to my cheeks and holds me still as I try to pull away and continue my lathering. "I love you, Armie...every part of you. No conditions....okay?" 

His sincerity is staggering. How he can love so openly and completely at such a young age astounds me. I suddenly feel unworthy and have to bite down the on instinct to deflect.

"Okay." I smile a little shakily and kiss the corner of his mouth as I feel yet another section of wall crumble at his feet.

He snatches the soapy sponge from my hands, " _Okay_ , he says..." he mutters under his breath. "Turn around asshole. Let me wash your back."

"Asshole? Why am I an asshole?" I ask over my shoulder as I turn around.

"Because I can see it in your eyes when you have something else to say but _don't_." He starts washing, tracing over the bubbles left by the sponge with his bare hand. It feels divine.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. But it's okay. You'll tell me what's going on up there when you're ready." he murmurs as he runs one hand up the nape of my neck and massages the base of my skull.

I take a deep breath and sigh with something closer to relief than I care to admit. "I can't hide from you, can I?"

"What do you mean?" he asks, dropping the sponge so that he can work on my neck and shoulders with both hands.

"Just...I don't know. You _see_ me. I think you probably see more than I mean to show."

His hands pause for a second. "Does that bother you?"

"It's a little... _unsettling_ , but I'm getting used to it."

I feel his hands drop away. "Unsettling?"

I turn to face him and find his brow creased.

"It's not a _bad_ thing, Tim. Don't look at me like that. I just mean...I've always been able to bullshit my way through things, and never really had to worry about anyone looking too hard you know? But with you it's different. It's like, from the first moment we met you looked right through me. It's taking some adjustment on my part, but it's good, I think."

"That...doesn't make any sense."

I shrug and bend over to pick up the sponge. "Maybe not from your perspective. You live life differently." I pass the sponge through the shower spray and squeeze it to make more bubbles. "You put everything out there, like you have nothing to hide."

"That's because I _don't_." he gives me that exasperated, full body shrug that only New Yorkers seem to have mastered.

I grin as I reach out and start soaping his chest. "Well...I haven't lived like that, so this is new territory for me. Being exposed. It's taking some getting used to."

His expression softens as he puts one hand on my chest and curls his fingers through the hair. "You feel exposed?" One corner of his mouth quirks up, hinting at the playful double meaning of his question.

It takes a bit of effort to remain on track with the current conversation with him looking at me like that, but I feel like I've come this far, so I ignore the bait and answer honestly. "Yeah. With you I do. And to some extent with Luca, but that's something else entirely." I pause to enjoy running my soapy fingertips along the length of his throat as he tilts his head back before I continue. "This whole experience has been kind of eye opening. I feel like..." I trail off, suddenly feeling a little too much 'in my head' and worried that I'm coming off as egotistical for talking about myself so much.

He brings his head back up to look at me. "Like what? Tell me what you feel..." he steps closer and forces me to stop lathering and focus on his face.

"It's crazy, but I almost feel like I'm meeting myself for the first time? Like who I've _been_ all my life isn't really who I _am_." I meet his eyes. "When I told you earlier at the villa that I don't know how I can to go back to the life I had before all of this, I was dead serious. Certain things were shifting before I even left for Crema, and now even more so. I don't think I can live like that anymore. I don't want...." I have to pause and hold my breath for a second. My heart is racing out of my chest. "I want different things now."

He smiles and sinks his teeth into his bottom lip. "You mean _me_?"

I can't help but smile back. "Yeah..." I can feel my smile slip a little, "but it's more complicated than that."

His face falls a bit, mouth twisting a little. "It's okay. We don't have to talk about that right now if you're not ready..." he says softly.

I look into his eyes knowing that we _should_. The longer we wait to talk about this the more painful it's going to be. 

' _The timing was right._ '

Three more weeks. Three more weeks until....what? I can't see that far into the future. All I can see right now is him standing naked and dripping in front of me, his sweet mouth bitten pink, just _begging_ to be kissed, and eyes full of promises I never dreamed of for myself.

"You're right...later." I rub my hands up and down his arms. "We have much more pressing matters to attend to right now anyway." I tilt my head a bit closer and press my lips lightly to the irresistible plushness of his.

"Mmm...we do..." he hums in agreement as he takes my hand that's still holding the sponge, places it on his hip and slowly drags it down between us. 


End file.
